The Connection Reset- Why Belonging is Metabolic Medicine

Snowboarding in Utah

As it happens during the holidays, it gets hectic and things get put off! I started writing it last week after Thanksgiving and just finishing it up. Anyhow...

We chose Park City, Utah this year to spend Thanksgiving because it was a short flight from Denver, where our son is in college — and because it gave him the chance to snowboard in Utah, which proudly claims the “Greatest Snow on Earth.” And I have to say, it was really soft and powdery! (or is it the power of suggestion??). He got two full days of snowboarding in: one on man-made snow, and one on the light, powdery Utah snow that skiers talk about. He said that it was an amazing ride.

Beyond the snow, we got to experience Utah hospitality (the food was wonderful), the local arts scene (we watched a production of Willy Wonka for one of his assignments), and we met so many hardworking Filipino workers along the way. As always, finding Filipinos everywhere feels like finding family.

And while our son appreciated the thrill of snowboarding in a new place with incredible conditions, it both surprised me and it warmed my heart, that he said he would rather have spent the holiday at home — surrounded by familiar faces, his comfort zone, and the safe presence of people who know him well.

Making new connections in college has been a challenge. It turns out that forming friendships in adulthood isn’t quite as effortless as when you’re in kindergarten, grade school, or high school. The friends he still has today are the ones he made when he was a little boy — and I’m both fascinated and grateful that he has kept those bonds all these years.

His reflection reminded me that we as human beings are wired for connection.New environments can be exciting, but familiarity, belonging, and meaningful relationships nourish us in a way nothing else can.

And that’s where I want to explore in this post: the science, the emotion, and the real impact of connection as metabolic medicine.

Why Connection Is Metabolic Medicine

We often think of health in terms of food, exercise, sleep, and stress — but one of the most powerful, and most overlooked, factors in our well-being is the quality of our relationships. The people we feel safe with, the ones we can laugh or cry with, the people we return to — they influence our physiology more than we realize.

My parents are in their 80's now and are strong and healthy in both mind and body. They belong to two active senior social groups: The Senior Citizens of Ballesteros and Ballesteros Retirees. Both are vibrant groups that meet regularly, they celebrate month birthdays, where there's singing, dancing, and just general meet ups, conversations, connections.

My father, Dr. Lazaro Ramos, in fact, founded the Senior Citizen Association as a 30-something rural physician back in the 70's-80's. He has noticed that his elderly patients, even when surrounded by family are sad and lonely, and the elderly in the community are largely ignored by the younger generation, almost invisible during gatherings. The last to be called to partake in anything. And so he built them their own community which continues to thrive to this day and has been emulated by other surrounding towns.

I am so grateful for this community that has become literally lifelines to my parents and their peers!

Human connection, as it turns out, is an essential human need and is biological.

In a foundational paper on social support and lifestyle medicine, it states that human connection is truly essential. The authors describe connection as a central pillar of health, of the same importance as nutrition, sleep, movement, and stress management. They show that social support and feelings of belonging are biologically powerful: people with meaningful connections tend to have lower inflammation, better stress resilience, improved cardiovascular health, and stronger mental and metabolic stability. PMC+1

1. Connection lowers cortisol.

When you feel supported, understood, or simply not alone, your brain shifts out of vigilance mode. Heart rate slows. Breathing eases. Cortisol drops. Blood sugar stabilizes.

This is why a single comforting conversation can feel like a physical exhale.

2. Connection improves metabolic markers.

Decades of research show that people with strong social ties have:

• lower cardiovascular disease

• improved blood pressure

• lower inflammation

• better immune function

• and longer lifespans

Loneliness, on the other hand, has been called the new “smoking” — increasing chronic disease risk and early mortality.

3. Connection regulates the nervous system.

We “co-regulate” with the people around us.

A calm voice.

A shared joke. (which reminds me of this 83 year old patient I have that tells me a bunch of jokes during the visit, so now I prepare a few of my own when he comes!)

A safe presence.

These experiences shift us from fight-or-flight into "rest-and-digest".

This is where and when our metabolism work best.

4. Connection supports healthier habits.

People who feel connected are more likely to:

• move more

• eat more intentionally

• sleep more regularly

• reduce stress in gentler ways

• stay consistent with their goals

We do better when we don’t do health alone.

5. Connection protects against emotional eating and overwhelm.

When we feel isolated, our brain seeks comfort — often in food, scrolling, shopping, or numbing behaviors - the easy dopamine hits.

Connection reduces that internal need for “self-soothing by any means necessary.”

6. Connection increases resilience.

Even one meaningful relationship — a friend, a partner, a sibling, a colleague — increases our ability to bounce back from stress, illness, and life transitions.

Connection is a metabolic tool — one of the most powerful we have.

Holiday Connection-Stealers

So, to connect all that so it's relevant to all of us this season!

The holidays are supposed to be a season of simply togetherness, and celebrating the birth of Christ. In reality it can get complicated quickly with the pressure of keeping up with traditions and expectations. Even when we’re surrounded by people, it’s easy to feel disconnected — from others, and even from ourselves and our faith. Here are some of the most common “connection stealers” that tend to show up this time of year:

1. Overcommitment

Saying yes to everything can leave you with no energy for the moments that actually matter. A packed schedule often means rushing instead of connecting, performing instead of being present.

2. People-Pleasing

Trying to make everyone else comfortable often means abandoning your own needs. Hosting, parties, orchestrating every detail — by the time you sit down, you’re too depleted to genuinely connect.

3. Social Comparison

The holidays amplify it. Who has the prettiest tree, who put in more effort this year. Who seems happier, more successful, more “holiday-put together.” Comparison doesn’t just steal joy — it quietly disconnects us from appreciation, presence, and authentic connection.

4. Digital Distraction

Phones make easy escapes. A quick scroll becomes twenty minutes, and suddenly you’ve lost the chance to engage with the people right in front of you. It’s one of the sneakiest connection-stealers we face.

5. Unspoken Needs

Connection requires honesty, but the holidays can make it harder to voice what we need: rest, help, space, support, understanding. When we stay silent, we stay on the surface — and miss the deeper moments.

I am guilty of all these, of course. And which is the reason I point it out... again, we all are works in progress and we do the best we can!

Connection Reset

The Reason for the Season

So as we move through December and prepare our hearts and homes for Jesus Christ during this Christmas season, I want to remind myself that connection doesn’t have to be grand or perfect. It isn’t about the most beautiful tree, the most organized gathering, or the most impressive gifts.

Connection is built in the quiet moments:a shared meal, a kind word, a lingering hug, a check-in text, a small act of generosity, a moment of honesty, a gentle “How are you, really?”

These are the exchanges that steady us.

Moments that heal.

These are the experiences that bring our nervous system back to safety and remind our bodies that we are held.

And so the gentle pivot for this week is simple:

Choose one meaningful moment of connection.

Reach out to someone.

Look someone in the eye.

Slow down long enough to be present.

Say the thing you’ve been meaning to say.

Ask for what you need.

Small moments matter.

Small moments compound.

Small moments create belonging.

And belonging as well as making someone feel that they belong, they matter, is one of the greatest gifts we can carry with us into Christmas and the new year.

DISCLAIMER: Lea Famularcano, MD is a medical doctor, but she is not your doctor. Topics discussed are purely informational only. She is not offering medical advice on this website.  If you are in need of professional advice or medical care, you must seek out the services of your doctor or health care professional.